black and gold

 champagne-gold.tumblr.com

Contrary to my blog title, I am not a nocturnal creature; I just can't wake up in the morning.

I think I need to change my blog - this is getting quite boring and uncool. haha!

Got an awesome watch for $20 today, champagne gold face :D

Tomorrow is HARDCORE day.

"It was a trick and the clock struck twelve.."

 Life is filled with disappointments.

Today, I was filled with so much hope and laughter. Then my world came crashing down.

I couldn't find the epic geek attire for school tomorrow.

disappointment.

sigh.

 So I met this boy today, he was SUPER ADORABLE (:

I was heading out to study after training (if you've heard me talk about it before, it was what I was referring to as my 'hiding' time - oh wait, not because I'm a closet mugger, but because I wanted to be alone, undisturbed), and I met this boy.

He made my day :D

The conversation went like this:
"How old are you?"
"9."
"Oh wow. Okay."
silence
"You were talking to the uncle ah?" (Referring to the worker who was washing the staircase area)
"Ya. I ask[ed] him to wash my bike."
"Say what!? You can't wash your own bike?"
"Huh? No lah, I ask[ed] him to wash the wheels. Cos I don't use anymore so very dirty. Spoil already."
runs out of lift when we reached the ground level

I guess that's another kid who never understood the advice "don't talk to strangers".

But he was super adorable. He was wearing a Ben Ten t-shirt and he was so outspoken! :D Totally ADORABLE. Oh, the moment he entered the lift, he jumped onto the railing thingy they have in the lift to take a seat. But cos it didn't stick out, he couldn't rest on it comfortably. lol. It sparked the conversation cos I knew that he was one talkative and playful dude by the way he jumped straight onto the bar. HAHA.

I found myself smiling as I was walking to my hideout, even though I was so physically drained after training today. It just goes to show that small things in life just make your day THAT much better. (:

But on the not so good side of things, I never knew that seeing your face would make me hurt.

 I have come to accept the fact that life happens in a cycle. How in Primary School we learned the life cycle of a butterfly (egg, larva, pupa, adult), and how at the end of the journey another begins.

Today I learnt that life is a cycle; multiple cycles. Well, at least for me.

Sometimes (like now), I just wished I could disappear into a little corner in the World where no one can find me. Where I can stay huddled up for as long as I need to and just reflect; reflect about the things that have happened, the things that are going to happen, the things that are never going to happen and things that could have happened.

Today my cousin told me that I'm scary. I don't get it. Am I really scary? According to her, I'm scarier than her senior counsel. Oh well.

Anyway, back to me in my little corner of the World. My LTB prof was talking to us the other day; about personalities and the way people behave, well, sort of. So she asked us (after she entertained us for a good 15mins), whether we thought she was an extrovert or an introvert. Now when people ask you something that's obvious, answer in the converse. So I said, "introvert" (yay, class part). And it turns out she was. She then went to talk about her colleague who is an extreme introvert but obviously, she's placed in social circumstances when she lectures. But after her lessons, whenever her introverted nature hits her, she has to take a few days off to just sit at the beach and be alone.

That's what I want to do now.

I never factored rest into my timetables before. Whenever I plan, it's always about maximising what little time I have and every box is filled. I guess now I have to factor in some "me" time. I tried that for 2 hours last Friday - it was wonderful. I entered the MacDonald's that was next to my place and just sat there in the sea of strangers and just did my own thing. I mean, I was reading some of my work but it felt wonderful. I switched off my phone, plugged in my earphones and just, studied/slack/stone. Everyone who walked past me just stared because everyone was there for company. They had friends they were meeting up for supper, classmates who they studied with, or family members out to bond. All of them had a purpose - mine was being alone.

I should try that every once in a while. It's super therapeutic.

Onto the Sunny part of the day. Frisbee.

So I managed to squeeze in some time today to practice throws and breaking free of my defender (well, at the expense of my work but it was worth it). Still trying to get used to it but so far, so good I think. Scrimmage tomorrow with FS apparently. I better rest well and hydrate myself.

I always wanted to write cool blog entries. The way some people write is as though, for a brief moment in time, you get to look at life through their lens and see what life is from their point of view. I guess I can never do that. I think my brain waves are oddly different from others'. hmm.

Back to my point on life being multiple cycles, it's always ups and downs. About your present circumstance and your preferred circumstance. You want something, yet you're always on the other side.

And when you think you're finally on the patch that's greener, you find a puddle and the cycle begins again.

It is currently Week 3 in SMU town and yet, it feels like we didn't even have a holiday.

I am currently happy (or rather, was happy given that the new week has just started). Just plotted out my seminar workload and deng deng deng, I've got a written paper due next Monday, 8am; and oral presentations for two weeks after. It's no wonder I didn't miss school while I was overseas.

D-13

I have come to realise that life loves to throw curve balls at us.

First, it raises your hope and then causes it to come tumbling down. Gives you hopes and dreams, then allow reality to come in to destroy what you thought possible. Gives you opportunities for growth and potential, then shoots you down in a blink of eye with just a single fragment of uncertainty.

So why do we push on knowing such obstacles stand in our way?

Because we see the bigger picture; not with our human eyes, but with our hearts. We know that at the end of the tunnel there is always light. That above all our fears and sorrow, there is a God, a Father who will see us through. Our strength comes from no one but Him alone.

This post is like having a conversation with God. I battle against myself in my heart, thinking about my inabilities and possible obstacles in the future. Then just as I am typing, I have this feeling that it's all going to be okay. I feel tears on the brink of escape. Yet if and when they fall, I know it's not of sadness but of gratefulness, because He sees it and knows. Peace surrounds me.

I thought that missing YM Camp this year, especially the spiritual aspect, meant that I missed something big. But God does not need a situation where 300 odd are gathered to appear - He just does.

God speaks in various ways, through thoughts, people around us, visions and dreams, prophecies... but God would always speak clearly to our hearts. No audible voice is needed but our hearts will always find the truth.

China might seem like an unknown land, but with God as our true North, the unknown is made known.

So why curve balls?

No one said we had to know the answer.

 Don't worry guys, it's not going to be a post about how depressing the world has become because young teenagers watch and learn to do stupid stuff or how SMU is slowly draining me of life. Although, the two facts above are true. hmm.

Anyway, the peer pressure I'm facing is totally superificial. haha. Kanglin and Julia blogged yesterday; it is now my duty to do the same xD heh heh.

HAHAHAHA, after an hour plus break, I'm back at the computer listening to MUSE. HAHAHA, goodness, we are listening to Enoch Long singing Muse Opera style xD it's so freaking funny, I'm hoping that Vivian uploads the video! =P

It's 40mins to our presentation and we haven't even practiced once. xD we're too chillax already. HAHAHAHAHA.

peace!